December 23rd, 1970
We had spent the morning
in Cruden Bay, at Cameron’s aunt’s house. Joan was thrilled to see us,
and despite enjoying the time with them both, I was sad to leave her
warm and loving home and return to ours.
The sun was reaching its peak for the day as Cameron and I exchanged a confused glance. The knock at our front door repeated itself as abruptly as it had the first time, so I left the kitchen and went into the sitting room.
“Were we expecting anyone?” I asked aloud as I reached the door.
No answer came from the kitchen, but none was needed. I opened the front door and was greeted by the smiling face of my sister.
“Liliane?” I exclaimed happily. “What are you doing here?” I ushered her into the house and hugged her for a long while.
“I missed you,” she answered. “And when Cameron called to ask me to visit, I couldn’t refuse.”
I turned to Cameron, who was walking towards us with a smug smile on his face.
“You?” I asked accusingly.
He gave me a swift kiss before answering. “What’s the holidays without family?” Camron pulled Liliane into a hug and I started to feel overwhelmed.
“How long are you staying for?” I asked. I hope she wouldn’t stay a short time; I had missed her as well.
“Until just after my birthday.”
I began to cry. “You’re here for three weeks?”
Liliane pulled me into her arms and held me. “Merry Christmas, Emily.”
I offered to go see Lily with my sister, after we had brought her luggage into the guest bedroom upstairs. She declined, insisting that she wanted to spend time with me first, and we would visit Lily in time.
We ate an impromptu dinner for three before Cameron excused himself to the studio to work on some new song ideas. Liliane and I sat down on the couch and she asked how the tour had been.
“It was great,” I chuckled. “A really interesting experience. It was odd to be in a different city almost every night, but the crowd was always electric.”
“Must have been quite something.”
“Honestly, it was,” I nodded. “Some days weren’t so fun, but it was wonderful, overall.”
My sister looked at me with curiosity in her eyes, so I explained.
“One day, we were backstage and someone pushed Sylvia, the drummer’s wife. I had a flashback and…”
“Were you okay?” My sister had seen me have flashbacks before, and she was well aware of the toll they could take on me.
“Eventually, I was,” I assured her. “I basically blacked out and attacked the guitarist. Willie. When I realized what I was doing I just started crying.”
Liliane said nothing but put her hand on mine and tightened her grip in reassurance.
“It’s alright. At least he hasn’t bothered me since,” I added with a laugh.
Liliane chuckled, but only spoke after a few moments passed between us.
“If that was the worst thing, I’m glad it didn’t go too badly,” she reasoned.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“What is it?”
I looked at my sister and saw the look on her face. She must have seen my expression change with my reply.
“Did something worse happen?” she asked in a quiet voice.
I closed my eyes and nodded, trying not to cry.
“What is it, Emily?”
I opened my eyes but didn’t meet her gaze as I forced the words out. “I had a miscarriage.”
My sister was clearly taken by surprise at my admission. I explained to her what had happened, and had told her of Cameron’s actions and the support he’d given me.
“I’m really sorry, Emily,” she told me once I’d finished speaking.
“It’s alright, sis. We’re okay.”
She looked down at her hands before speaking in a quiet voice. “It’s weird, but… I kind of envy you.”
“Why?”
“I’ve tried before, many times. To get pregnant.” She looked up at me and I could see her truthful sadness. “It’s probably the real reason why Greg and I broke up. It wasn’t just because Gran got sick,” she confessed, her voice only a whisper. “I eventually got tested. I’m infertile.”
It was painful to see my sister this way. I hadn’t known that she was trying to get pregnant with Greg. They had been together for nearly eight years before the relationship ended when our grandmother became sick two summers ago.
“Now I’m the one who’s sorry,” I mumbled. I pulled her into a hug and she scoffed.
“No, don’t be. You’d be a better mother than I would, anyway.”
“I hope I get the chance,” I whispered.
“You will.” Her words were certain and her tone strong.
I smiled at her. “I think you’re right,” I admitted. “When we came back here, after the hospital, we handfast. The two of us, in our room.”
Liliane smiled but her words interrupted when Cameron walked back into the sitting room. I supposed he could feel the emotion in the room, because he asked if we were alright.
My sister stood and hugged Cameron, her arms around his waist. He put his arms around her and held her, though he looked at me, clearly confused.
‘She knows,’ I mouthed to him.
He nodded slightly and silently rubbed her back.
“I’m sorry, Cameron. But thank you,” she told him as she pulled away from the hug. “For taking care of my sister.”
“Your sister is much stronger than I am,” he answered. He glanced over to me and smiled. “But I will always take care of her.”
Liliane went to bed in the early evening; saying she felt tired from her journey across the ocean. I walked with her to the guest bedroom and she hugged me once again.
“I’m really happy to see you, Emily,” she said, her voice sincere.
“Me too.”
“And… I’m sorry you had to go through that. But I’m glad you have Cameron to go through it with,” she added.
“Me too,” I repeated.
I showed her how to turn on the water in the shower, and then left her to wind down and go to sleep. I had expected Cameron to be downstairs, but I saw him in our bedroom as I passed the door.
“Are you tired?” I asked, walking into the room.
Cameron nodded, but walked up to me and kissed me. “I was just thinking.”
“What about?”
“About how I’ll always love you.” He smiled sweetly at me and I couldn’t help but do the same. “Are you happy?” he asked after a moment, sounding a little worried. “That Liliane is here?”
“Of course I am, Cameron,” I assured him. “I’m really happy you did this for me.”
Cameron’s smile returned and he kissed my forehead.
“But how exactly did you do it?”
He chuckled and sat down on the bed, pulling me down next to him. “You were out with Sylvia when I called her. I knew what the situation was doing to you, and I figured if your sister were here, it might be a little easier for you.”
The sun was reaching its peak for the day as Cameron and I exchanged a confused glance. The knock at our front door repeated itself as abruptly as it had the first time, so I left the kitchen and went into the sitting room.
“Were we expecting anyone?” I asked aloud as I reached the door.
No answer came from the kitchen, but none was needed. I opened the front door and was greeted by the smiling face of my sister.
“Liliane?” I exclaimed happily. “What are you doing here?” I ushered her into the house and hugged her for a long while.
“I missed you,” she answered. “And when Cameron called to ask me to visit, I couldn’t refuse.”
I turned to Cameron, who was walking towards us with a smug smile on his face.
“You?” I asked accusingly.
He gave me a swift kiss before answering. “What’s the holidays without family?” Camron pulled Liliane into a hug and I started to feel overwhelmed.
“How long are you staying for?” I asked. I hope she wouldn’t stay a short time; I had missed her as well.
“Until just after my birthday.”
I began to cry. “You’re here for three weeks?”
Liliane pulled me into her arms and held me. “Merry Christmas, Emily.”
I offered to go see Lily with my sister, after we had brought her luggage into the guest bedroom upstairs. She declined, insisting that she wanted to spend time with me first, and we would visit Lily in time.
We ate an impromptu dinner for three before Cameron excused himself to the studio to work on some new song ideas. Liliane and I sat down on the couch and she asked how the tour had been.
“It was great,” I chuckled. “A really interesting experience. It was odd to be in a different city almost every night, but the crowd was always electric.”
“Must have been quite something.”
“Honestly, it was,” I nodded. “Some days weren’t so fun, but it was wonderful, overall.”
My sister looked at me with curiosity in her eyes, so I explained.
“One day, we were backstage and someone pushed Sylvia, the drummer’s wife. I had a flashback and…”
“Were you okay?” My sister had seen me have flashbacks before, and she was well aware of the toll they could take on me.
“Eventually, I was,” I assured her. “I basically blacked out and attacked the guitarist. Willie. When I realized what I was doing I just started crying.”
Liliane said nothing but put her hand on mine and tightened her grip in reassurance.
“It’s alright. At least he hasn’t bothered me since,” I added with a laugh.
Liliane chuckled, but only spoke after a few moments passed between us.
“If that was the worst thing, I’m glad it didn’t go too badly,” she reasoned.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“What is it?”
I looked at my sister and saw the look on her face. She must have seen my expression change with my reply.
“Did something worse happen?” she asked in a quiet voice.
I closed my eyes and nodded, trying not to cry.
“What is it, Emily?”
I opened my eyes but didn’t meet her gaze as I forced the words out. “I had a miscarriage.”
My sister was clearly taken by surprise at my admission. I explained to her what had happened, and had told her of Cameron’s actions and the support he’d given me.
“I’m really sorry, Emily,” she told me once I’d finished speaking.
“It’s alright, sis. We’re okay.”
She looked down at her hands before speaking in a quiet voice. “It’s weird, but… I kind of envy you.”
“Why?”
“I’ve tried before, many times. To get pregnant.” She looked up at me and I could see her truthful sadness. “It’s probably the real reason why Greg and I broke up. It wasn’t just because Gran got sick,” she confessed, her voice only a whisper. “I eventually got tested. I’m infertile.”
It was painful to see my sister this way. I hadn’t known that she was trying to get pregnant with Greg. They had been together for nearly eight years before the relationship ended when our grandmother became sick two summers ago.
“Now I’m the one who’s sorry,” I mumbled. I pulled her into a hug and she scoffed.
“No, don’t be. You’d be a better mother than I would, anyway.”
“I hope I get the chance,” I whispered.
“You will.” Her words were certain and her tone strong.
I smiled at her. “I think you’re right,” I admitted. “When we came back here, after the hospital, we handfast. The two of us, in our room.”
Liliane smiled but her words interrupted when Cameron walked back into the sitting room. I supposed he could feel the emotion in the room, because he asked if we were alright.
My sister stood and hugged Cameron, her arms around his waist. He put his arms around her and held her, though he looked at me, clearly confused.
‘She knows,’ I mouthed to him.
He nodded slightly and silently rubbed her back.
“I’m sorry, Cameron. But thank you,” she told him as she pulled away from the hug. “For taking care of my sister.”
“Your sister is much stronger than I am,” he answered. He glanced over to me and smiled. “But I will always take care of her.”
Liliane went to bed in the early evening; saying she felt tired from her journey across the ocean. I walked with her to the guest bedroom and she hugged me once again.
“I’m really happy to see you, Emily,” she said, her voice sincere.
“Me too.”
“And… I’m sorry you had to go through that. But I’m glad you have Cameron to go through it with,” she added.
“Me too,” I repeated.
I showed her how to turn on the water in the shower, and then left her to wind down and go to sleep. I had expected Cameron to be downstairs, but I saw him in our bedroom as I passed the door.
“Are you tired?” I asked, walking into the room.
Cameron nodded, but walked up to me and kissed me. “I was just thinking.”
“What about?”
“About how I’ll always love you.” He smiled sweetly at me and I couldn’t help but do the same. “Are you happy?” he asked after a moment, sounding a little worried. “That Liliane is here?”
“Of course I am, Cameron,” I assured him. “I’m really happy you did this for me.”
Cameron’s smile returned and he kissed my forehead.
“But how exactly did you do it?”
He chuckled and sat down on the bed, pulling me down next to him. “You were out with Sylvia when I called her. I knew what the situation was doing to you, and I figured if your sister were here, it might be a little easier for you.”
Cameron is such a sweetheart. Poor Lily.
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