October 14th, 1971

[Cameron’s Perspective]


    I had no idea what time it was when I opened my eyes, but I knew that Emily hadn’t come to bed yet. I took advantage of the whole bed as I stretched, though I would have preferred to have less room to move but her beside me.
    I never had to hide my emotions or worries from Emily, and I knew that. Still, waking in the night to find her absent gave me a moment of clarity to be honest with myself. I sat up on the bed and rubbed my face to incite myself to wake up, and silently thanked Mark for having given us slippers.
    ‘That’s why you can’t sleep,’ I scolded myself, 'you fretful dolt.'
    I was fretting, and I couldn't deny it, even just to make myself feel better. In the days before we left Texas, I had asked Emily to tell me about Mark and their friendship. It was just friendship, she'd assured me, and even when I learned they'd kissed one summer, I believed her. I had no reason to doubt her, and I knew she wouldn't have lied about it either.
    Still, I found myself with a tight knot in my chest, and the seed of a thought in my mind: had there once been affection between them, though pushed aside? The cabin was silent, and the lack of noise was deafening to me. I stood, begrudgingly put the slippers on, and forcefully pushed the nagging thought aside.
    The hallway was quiet as well, and I tiptoed down the staircase leading to the main floor's living room. A floor lamp in the far corner of the room gave some light, but even without it I would have known Emily was sleeping.
    I walked carefully towards the sofa and the sound of her slow breathing. I smiled, seeing her curled up on the cushions, and internally chuckled when I realized Mark was also asleep— on the opposite end of the sofa.
    I saw the goosebumps on her arm, and looked around the room to find a blanket. There was one on the back of the chair a few feet away, which I took and unfolded before placing it over the sleeping woman I loved. My smile returned when I saw her pull the blanket close to her chest and sigh softly, still asleep.
    I turned towards the stairs to return to bed, feeling the knot in my chest ease, when I saw Mark shift on the sofa. He seemed cold, I noticed, and realized that if he woke and saw a blanket on Emily but not himself, he may interpret it as animosity. I grabbed another blanket from a nearby chair and draped it over him, silently wishing them both a warm sleep.


    I felt the bed shift, sinking slowly as Emily crawled in beside me. I hummed happily as I pulled her into my arms and buried my face in the curve of her neck.
    "I'm sorry I didn't come to bed," she whispered, her voice hinting at sadness.
    Her hands were cool on my back and I felt the knot I'd been stuck with dissolve. "I didn't expect you to sleepwalk up the stairs."
    She chuckled softly, but seemed to hesitate before speaking. "Did you put blankets on us?"
    I was preoccupied, painting her neck and shoulder with kisses, and let the question hang in the air for a moment. "You looked cold," I explained.
    Emily put her hand under my chin and lifted my head until my eyes met hers. Neither of us spoke and the air seemed thick, until her gaze darted away from mine.
    "What's the matter, Emily?"
    She looked at me shyly. "I feel bad. I dragged you out into the woods and didn't spend any time with you," she murmured.
    I smiled, despite how her words made me feel. "You're being daft," I told her firmly.
    "Am I?" Her voice was so quiet I barely heard it.
    "Yes."
    I didn’t know what else I could say to her that wouldn’t reveal my own feelings. Despite knowing that I was worrying for nothing, I felt averse to admitting it aloud and so I said nothing, leaving us to slowly fall asleep in a tangle of limbs.


    “You’re sure you don’t want to come along, Cameron?”
    Lee was just about to head out the door and join the rest of the band and Emily in the Roy-guided forest tour. I had assured Emily, when she asked the same question moments ago, that I was quite pleased to have a morning coffee by the kitchen’s bay window. She could show me the trail later on, after all.
    “Enjoy it, Lee,” I told him with a nod of my head towards the door. “Take photos!”
    He’d already walked out onto the front porch, and gave me a salute of acknowledgement while bringing a hand to the camera around his neck. Mark had brought it out earlier, once he realized none of us had one, and graciously lent it to us for our stay here.
    “Enjoying your coffee?”
    I lifted my head and nodded. "Very much so, Mark. Will you join me?” I added, seeing him open a cabinet door and reach for a cup.
    “You wouldn’t mind?” he asked without missing a beat.
    I shook my head. "Not at all. We're guests in your home, after all,” I reminded him with a smile. "You’re not out of place to have coffee in your own kitchen."
    Mark sat down across from me at the dining table and sipped his coffee. "This is your first time in Canada, right? Emily was telling me last night but I think I was pretty much asleep by that time," he added with a laugh.
    I chuckled too, and nodded. "I've never been here before, or in America. We're used to Europe, we've done quite a few tours there," I explained. "Colin's the only one in the band who hasn't been outside Britain."
    "Emily said you two met last year, when she was visiting Kathleen's sister with Liliane."
    His statement was simple, but I knew what he was getting at. I smiled, and took another sip of my coffee. "Lily, yes. Her home isn't very far from where I grew up in Aberdeen, actually, so I'm familiar with the area."
    "You were born there?"
    "Yes. I've lived in or around Aberdeen for most of my life."
    Mark looked thoughtful, and met my gaze to speak. "Does Emily enjoy it there?"
    "She does," I assured him. "It's quite different from where she was before but every time I ask, she insists she's happy in Scotland."
    "Even this province is different from where we grew up," Mark told me. "You'll see the difference when you get out there. You're finishing the tour in Montreal, aren't you?"
    "We are. Two nights, and we've got tickets for Liliane to come and see the show as well."
    "I haven't spoken to Liliane in years. Do you know how she's doing?"
    "She seems to be well," I told him. "She spent two weeks with us over the holidays, and Emily calls her every once in a while, between sending letters."
    We continued chatting for a few more minutes, though soon we fell into silence and focused on our coffees. It was only when Mark stood and refilled both our cups, with his back to me, that I found myself speaking.
    "Can I ask you something? About Emily."
    "Sure," he answered, returning to the table with two full cups. "Though I'm not sure I'll have an answer for you," he added in a mumble.
    "Thanks." I accepted the cup and took a sip. "Has she always had flashbacks?"
    "She's still getting those?" he asked with a deep frown. "I hoped they'd go away in time."
    "It's only happened once or twice, but… it's eerily similar to shell shock," I said quietly.
    "It wasn't the front lines, Cameron, but living in that house was no less a battle for them." Mark paused, and I let him continue. "I went into their house only a handful of times before they moved to Kathleen's, and I hated the place. I felt horrible just being in there but those two… they had to live there."
    I knew that Mark was being truthful, and brutally honest with me, and I decided to do the same.
    "When one strikes her, I do whatever I can for her. But it never seems enough."
    "You're right about that," he told me, a hint of a smile on his face. "It never seems enough. But it is, because she loves you."


    The forest-exploring group returned about an hour after Mark and I had finished our heavy hearted morning coffee, and they all seemed in good spirits. Lee shamelessly boasted about the photos he took, and Dale was pleasantly surprised to learn that a raccoon wasn't as large an animal as he'd assumed.
    It was Emily I was most interested in, however. After we all enjoyed a chatty lunch, she asked if I wanted to take a walk with her and have a makeshift picnic. I didn't hesitate to agree, and waited on the porch as she gathered a blanket and 'a few other things,' as she'd put it.
    "Ready?"
    "Absolutely." I grinned and took the basket from her, noting that it seemed it had been made for picnic supplies.
    "It was," Emily replied cheerily. "Picnics have always been in style." She shifted the blanket in her arms and freed one hand to hold mine.
    We walked in silence for a bit. I let her lead me down the trail, and followed her when she abandoned the worn path in favour of a shortcut through a grove of mature trees.
    "I noticed this place earlier, but didn't think it would be so gorgeous!" she said in excitement.
    I stepped into the clearing and agreed with her— the river I'd been hearing was directly ahead of us, and to the left was a natural alcove in the rock with a small waterfall. The ground was soft with moss and the air had a fine spray of mist in it. Emily spread the blanket out where the moss was thickest, and I placed the basket beside it.
    “Have you ever had mountain water?” she asked me as she took a small glass out of the basket.
    “No. But I assume it’s quite something, judging by your tone,” I replied.
    Emily said nothing, though she took my hand and led me to the edge of the water. The waterfall itself was no more than three feet high, and was perhaps better described as a cascade. Emily put the glass to rocks and within seconds it was filled with crystal clear water.
    She took a sip, and grinned in accomplishment. “Taste this.”
    I took the glass from her and brought it to my lips. The water was ice cold and I nearly shivered, though I couldn’t deny the taste. “I never realized water could taste so good,” I chuckled.
    “It’s filtered by the rocks,” she explained. “It comes straight from the mountaintops.”
    We returned to the blanket and laid down. I was thankful for the abundance of warm clothes in the cabin, as I don’t think I’d have been as eager to be outside without the sweater I’d appropriated. As it was, I stared up at the foliage, the later morning sun peeking through breaks in the clouds, and sighed happily when Emily curled against me.
    Lost in my own thoughts, I only caught the end of Emily’s sentence. “Hmm?”
    “Was I really being silly this morning?” she repeated, her voice shy.
    “When you came to bed?”
    “Yeah.”
    I turned my head a little and kissed her forehead. “I love you, you know,” I assured her.
    “I know,” she whispered. I could hear the smile in her voice.
    “That’s a start.” I chuckled softly. “You don’t have to spend every moment with me, Emily, as much as I might enjoy it. It’s not just the time we spend together that I love.” It was easier to tell her all this while I watched the leaves above us rustle in the light breeze, but I turned my head to meet her eyes. “It’s much more than just that. It’s the shine in your eyes, like you’ve got now,” I murmured.
    Her eyes were a deep blue, and I could admire them for hours, but the softness in them as I spoke made my heart leap.
    “The care you have for me,” I continued. “Your support, your encouragement and pride in me. The warmth your smile brings me.” She was smiling now, and I kissed her. “You’ve nothing to worry about, sweetheart.”
    “I’m glad,” she told me, a sweet smile on her face. She shifted her body to lean against me, and looked at me when she next spoke. “You should listen to your own advice, sometimes. What’s bothering you, Cameron?” Her voice was so quiet, I thought the wind would carry her words away.
    “I hadn’t meant for you to notice,” I admitted sheepishly.
    “I didn’t notice, I felt it. What is it?”
    I couldn’t help but let a smile creep onto my features when I met her concerned gaze. “I wouldn’t really know how to word it,” I confessed.
    Emily nodded. “Take your time, but you’re going to tell me.” She put her head on my chest and we fell into silence.
    How could I explain it? I knew I was being idiotic, to worry about Mark, but that knowledge didn’t soothe me.
    “I know it’s… I find myself almost intimidated at times. Mark has known you for years, and you care about each other. I suppose it’s the old bond that’s making me feel as if… I don’t quite know.” I hadn’t realized I was speaking aloud, but when Emily huffed and lifted her head, I scolded myself for the way I’d phrased it.
    “I care about him, but I don’t love him, Cameron.” Her firm words brought my eyes to her face, and I saw the conviction on her features. “And if he loves me, well, he’s shit out of luck.”
    I laughed, and felt better when she giggled too.
    “Cameron,” she said softly, her fingers brushing my chin. “You’ve had me since that night in Duthie Park.”
    I smiled, the memory of that night returning to mind. We’d spent the entire night in the greenhouse, simply talking to each other, and I walked her to Lily’s house as the sun rose. “Did I?” I asked. “You should have told me, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to impress you,” I added with a cheerful wink.
    Emily laughed, and I smiled, even when she leaned forward and kissed me. “Are you really feeling insecure?” she whispered after a moment.
    I felt like a fool, as if I was wearing a jester’s outfit, but I nodded slightly.
    Before saying anything, Emily pulled herself on top of me and looked straight into my eyes. “I loved you even before I realized it, you dope. And I still love you now.”
    I didn’t think I could have felt any more reassured than with those words, until she kissed me. Her lips were purposeful against mine, and I put my hands on the back of her neck to keep her close to me. Emily pulled away, but only briefly to brush aside her hair. Her lips were back on mine, soft and tender, though forceful in their attempt to reassure me.
    I could feel the heat of her even through the sweaters we both wore and I cursed myself for wanting her, even as I brought my hands to her waist and held her.
    She pulled away, and the complaint in my mind disappeared when she giggled. “I feel we have a visitor,” she said through a laugh.
    “Ignore it,” I replied, pulling her down for another kiss.
    Our lips parted, and I felt a groan run through me when she pressed her hips into mine. She dragged her lips down to my neck, and I let out a deep sigh despite myself.
    “Doing a great job of ignoring it,” I told her sarcastically.
    Emily laughed and lifted her head, planting a kiss on my chin. “Maybe I don’t want to ignore it,” she retorted playfully.
    “Oh.”
    Emily laughed, and the sound filled my heart. “That’s all I get?” she asked teasingly.
    I felt my face redden when I met her gaze and saw the look in her eyes. “Well, I suppose,” I began slowly. It was heard to speak with her lips on my neck. “You could… pay attention to it?”